I Could Not Kiss, Just Regress
by IrishFrenchy
Summary: This takes place during Sucker Punch. The lyrics to song in his fic is Glycerine by Bush. That song has always reminded me of Mike and Harvey, though I can't really say why. Anyways, this takes place the same day as when Jessica gets some things out of Harvey on the stand. Mike's pissed and he needs to let it out. Maybe, they both needed some saving that night... Marvey


Harvey tried his best not to look over at Mike when he said those words. His heart was hammering away and he looked over at a bookshelf, away from Jessica. His mouth was open a little and his eyes were beginning to sting. He wouldn't give into emotion though, not now, not ever. A silence fell in the courtroom, all eyes falling on Harvey. He just closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself. Al of his dignity had just been snatched up by his oldest and closet friends, for the sake of a fucking mock trial. He let out a shaky breath and opened his eyes. Mike was looking right at him, not even bothering to mask his hurt.

_They think you care, they'll walk all over you._

Harvey was alone in his office for the good part of an hour. He wished the entire day had never happened, he wished Donna would come back, he wished Jessica hadn't torn him to pieces like that on the stand. Most of all, he wished Mike hadn't been there to hear everything. He wished Mike had been somewhere else, anywhere else; it didn't matter as long as he hadn't been in the lobby that morning. He looked pathetic up there on the stand, trying to convince his closest friend and the entire world that he wasn't a broken man when it more than obvious that he was.

He picked up his tumbler in his hand and eyed the scotch in it. After a long moment, he raised the glass to his lips and took a long sip, enjoying the way it burned going down. He looked down at himself, smoothing out his tie and fixing the button on his vest. He had long since discarded his jacket and it hung from the back of his ergonomic chair.

Mike came thundering into his office, his jacket folded and in his arms. Harvey just looked to the floor, incapable of meeting the man's eyes at the moment. If Mike met his gaze, he would see right through him. He didn't have the energy to keep his walls up, to hide behind his usual mask, to be an asshole or a smartass. Therefore, he didn't mean the kid's eyes; it was as simple as that. Mike tapped his foot on the floor a little, a sure sign that he had something to get off his chest. He almost stood with his hips like that and tapped his foot a few times when he had some horribly long speech to make.

_Must be your skin I'm sinking in  
Must be for real 'cause now I can feel  
And I didn't mind  
It's not my kind  
Not my time to wonder why  
Everything's gone white  
And everything's gray  
Now you're here now you're away  
I don't want this  
Remember that  
I'll never forget where you're at  
Don't let the days go by_

Harvey got up from his chair and leaned on the counter behind him, hands in pockets as he looked at Mike, or rather past Mike. "I need to tell you something," Mike said, his tone uneasy and filled with near anxiety. Harvey nodded, a silent way of telling him he was listening. There was no sarcastic comment to follow, just a look of undivided attention and perhaps just perhaps, utter despair. He knew he was in for it, he could see it on Mike's face.

"Everyone is suffering because of you, Harvey," Mike told him. The fight in his tone was gone. There was nothing, just plain hurt. He was done; he had obviously reached his point. Harvey turned and just stared at Mike. He saw it in the man's eyes, he couldn't _not _see it. After everything the older man had put him through, he could still see that he cared. Harvey wondered briefly if Mike knew how much emotion those beautiful blue eyes of his held. Harvey couldn't even say anything, he was dumbstruck. "The Great Harvey fucking Specter is speechless?" The older man just grinded his teeth, wishing more than anything he knew the words to say. Nothing came to mind and all he could do was gasp for a breath. He had never been good with words…

_Gglycerine_

I'm never alone  
I'm alone all the time  
Are you at one  
Or do you lie  
We live in a wheel  
Where everyone steals  
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields

"Harvey, say something," Mike nearly yelled. He threw his arms up to show he was angry. His blonde hair looked darker under the dim light of Harvey's office. It was past ten in the evening. Everyone had already gone home. "Oh my god, you're impossible. You know that?" He rounded the table to Harvey and the man actually found himself taking a step back, and that was something he _never _did. Harvey Specter didn't back down from a fight, it didn't matter the type. Mike came over to him and just watched him, his eyes dark and his jaw set. He was entirely too close for Harvey's liking but then again, he didn't really look like he gave a shit.

"Harvey," Mike said in a soft voice. "Look at me, please." The pleading tone he used seemed to hit Harvey somewhere deep and the man's breath caught. "Don't look past me, look at me."

For the first time in his life, Harvey truly felt defeated. He didn't feel like _himself_. Maybe the alcohol was the cause of that. He was more than a little tipsy. He didn't feel calm, collected, or even strong willed. No, he felt like that little boy who'd caught his mother cheating. He felt like that bastard of a kid who watched his brother get beat up for being homosexual and when he tried to stop them, he got beat up, too. He felt like that kid who watched the woman he loved walk away, leaving for college. He felt like a piece of shit. Mike could see it in his eyes, it was practically written all over his face.

Yes, Harvey had his reasons for being the man he was. As they say, you are what your experiences make you out to be.

_If I treated you bad  
You bruise my face  
Couldn't love you more  
You got a beautiful taste  
Don't let the days go by  
Could have been easier on you  
I couldn't change though I wanted to  
Could have been easier by three  
Our old friend fear and you and me  
Glycerine __[repeat]__  
Don't let the days go by  
Glycerine_

"You really just don't give a shit about me, do you?" Mike asked, his eyes wide with shock. He shook his head, his eyes actually getting a little teary. "I have no one. The only person I have is my grandmother, Harvey. You, you should give a shit about me! I thought you did… You only hired me because you saw that I could be a stepping stone to success for you!" His fists were balled up by the time he was done talking. Harvey's heart nearly broke and he forced himself to breath, otherwise he would have fainted.

"That's not true," the older man said, finally joining the conversation. His jaw was set and his voice was dangerously low. "That is _not _why I hired you and if you so much as think that one more time, I'm gonna knock that look off your face." Mike was a little taken aback by his boss' tone but he didn't stand down. "Then why did you hire me?" he asked. He cocked his head a little, daring Harvey to answer.

Harvey just stood there for the longest of moments, his mind in slow motion. "Why did you hire me, Harvey? I want to know, if it wasn't purely because I was a genius." The older man reached out to push Mike away. He laid his palm on Mike's chest and pushed him back, but beneath his palm he could feel his heartbeat spike. He blamed that one on the argument, even though he knew better.

"I hired you because you were brilliant and you were wasting it. You needed to be _saved_, Mike. You needed something to restart your life. Don't bring yourself into this." Before Harvey could stop himself the words were leaving his lips, like rapid fire. The kid didn't know all Harvey had put on the line for him, how much he cared about him. He had put his career on the line just to keep him there with him. "You don't know me, you don't know why I am the way I am. Don't judge me, don't stand there and play pity-party either. Don't do any of that because to be honest, I'm ready to deck you. Get out of my face and go home." He cringed at the last words and took a deep breath.

He was wrong, not that he would ever admit it. Mike was one of the strongest people he knew. That kid had dealt with so much in his life and Harvey was just another notch to add to the belt. He was just another obstacle keeping him from being happy, when all he had tried to go was get his life on track, give him a chance to shine because he was _good _at his job now. All Harvey did was screw things up… He was good at that, he wouldn't lie. His whole life he's been messing things up. Mike was supposed to be different though, he cared so much about him. Perhaps more than he should, but he kept those feelings to himself even if he saw in Mike's eyes that he felt the same way.

Harvey had done all he could for Mike, he wanted nothing more than to save this case. That was why he was taking it to court. He couldn't allow himself to be disbarred because if he went, so did Mike Ross. To be honest, he didn't even give two shits about himself anymore. He'd manage to knock out everyone with this. He'd been so caught up in himself that he hadn't even noticed that Donna had slit her own wrists just to keep him safe. What about Mike? Was the same thing going to happen to him? Would be jobless by the end of the week, too? He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, not that Mike would e_ver _realize that.

_I needed you more  
When we wanted us less  
I could not kiss just regress  
It might just be  
Clear simple and plain  
That's just fine  
That's just one of my names  
Don't let the days go by  
Could've been easier on you  
Glycerine_

Mike turned to leave, his jacket wrinkling because he was holding it so tightly. "Goodbye, Harvey." The older man shook his head, his heart finally kick starting. "Wait, don't go." Mike didn't even turn around as he said, "Fuck you." He shrugged into his jacket and went to go.

Harvey groaned in frustration and grabbed Mike by the arm, turning him to face him. He pressed his lips to his for a smoldering kiss. Mike froze at first, his lips finally relaxing against Harvey's as he returned the kiss. He reached out for the older man, his hand landing against his chest, feeling the fabric of his tie and his expensive vest. He could feel his heart pounding beneath his palm and for the first time, he knew Harvey was just as cut up as he was. After all, he had emotions, even if he chose not to acknowledge them. They had been dancing on this line for a while; it was just a matter of time until one of them did something about it.

Harvey broke the kiss and pulled back, his chest heaving. "You want me to show you I care? That's what you want?" His voice was thick with emotion and Mike just stared at him, seeing a totally different man. Tonight sure had been an eye-opener to the world of Harvey Specter and sodding hell, he was a good kisser. "Apparently, that's what everyone wants. Well, I do fucking care. I _am _human." Mike put his palms up, a little scared. "Harvey, it's okay." The older man just shook his head a few times, biting his lip. "Don't you see? It's not. It's really not. Nothing that's going on right now is okay. I don't do this, I don't open up. I don't _ever_ open up, but if I don't tell you right now you'll never know."

Mike got brave and he shook his head, taking Harvey's shirt in his hands. "Hey, stop! I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry about those things I said." Harvey stared at Mike, his mouth hanging open at the sudden burst of bravery. All at once, they just stopped and stared at each other. "Now," Mike began, his breathing uneven and his hands shaky. "Kiss me like that, again."

That was all Harvey needed, he pulled Mike up against him and their lips crashed together. It wasn't as passionate as the first kiss but it was still a moment Mike would never forget. He dared reaching up and running his fingers through the man's hair, musing it. Harvey could care less, his hands were more preoccupied with getting Mike's shirt untucked.

The whole thing just sort of happened. Somehow, they had ended up on Harvey's couch. Mike was in his lap, trying to catch his breath. "There's no going back now," he whispered, his head on Harvey's shoulder. The other man closed his eyes for a long moment and just focused on breathing. "I don't want to," he said softly. "Thought I made that clear when I kissed you." The words were meant to come out with sarcasm, but his voice was gentle in a way that Mike found completely endearing. The younger man blushed and rested his forehead against Harvey's shirt.

Harvey glanced at the wall clock to see that it was almost midnight. "Come on, let's get home. It's so late…" Mike nodded and got off of him, pulling his trousers up as he went. He almost missed the way Harvey bit his lip as he watched him. Almost.

Harvey got up, his face scrunching into a grimace because he was so sore. He started buttoning his shirt and went to put his belt on. He watched as Mike wandered across the room and picked up is shirt and tie. "You know," he younger man began. "You're not damaged, you're just... You said I needed to be saved and maybe that's what you need, too." Harvey just stared at him, surprised. "And you're going to _save _me?" he asked, an eyebrow raising in question. Mike began buttoning his own shirt, not bothering to tuck it in. "Look, a lot's happened tonight. I'm just saying… I'm here for you." Something in Harvey's chest tightened and he smiled, looking to the floor.

"Come on," Harvey started saying and he got up. "We need sleep…" He tugged on his vest and pushed up his collar. Mike walked over to him and helped him with his tie. A moment passed where they just watched each other, Mike's fingers doing up the tie with ease.

"I am damaged," Harvey said, his voice barely above a whisper. Mike's eyebrows drew together and he nearly stopped breathing. Their eyes met and it was like time stopped. There was so much emotion in the older man's eyes, it was almost too much to bear. 'So, this is Harvey Specter without a mask,' Mike thought and he swallowed hard. Harvey's voice broke his train of thought. "Never wanted to admit it, but I am."

He leaned down to the younger man, his nose gently brushing against his just before their lips met. There was finality in that kiss and Mike knew the other man wouldn't let this thing they had between them go, no matter what. He touched his chest, smoothing out the pinstriped vest with shaky fingers. "I love you," he said softly as they pulled away for air. Harvey just smiled. "I know," he simply said. And those were the last words that left his lips, for he pulled Mike with him and they left his office. A long moment passed and they rounded the corner, making their way over to the elevators. Harvey tugged on his coat and gave Mike a little smile, one that said, 'I love you too, but I'm too damned stubborn to admit it.' For the time being, that was fine with Mike and he followed after the man, just like he always did.


End file.
